we were the best of friends... 

he was always there in all the great moments of my life, from my little victories to my greatest achievements, but most specially in my darkest times. 

he was a friend,

a classmate,

a teacher,

a guardian angel.

He was the best person in my world...

we were 3rd grade classmates, he was the prankster  & I was one of the boys. we go to school together, go hang out with friends together & go home together. we mostly did everything together... 

during our high school & college days nothing changed...

acquintances, friends and lovers come & go, but still the both of us stayed the same. 

when my family nearly fell apart, he was the only person I found sanctuary in. when I first fell in love he was the person I asked advise from. there wasn't any of my memories that didn't include him. 

I though he will always be by my side, forever be the shoulder for me to cry on, a friend to laugh with & someone i can share all the memories....

then 1 day, he called me over the phone after 1 week of being missing in action. he told that he would like to met me, i was pretty worried about his condition after the recent break-up he had with his GF. I wanted to comfort him from his  heartache after hearing some gossip of his ex-GF being seen out with a new guy. 

At first we talked like it was any other day. I was musterring up some courage to ask him about his ex-GF. when i finnaly asked, he answered my questions matter-of-factly & then changed the subject. 

it was prabably about 10pm when we decided to go home. when we were infront of my house when he just blurted out that he loves me...

i was speechless & the rest of what he said just faded into oblivion...

when I finally got my wits, I passed it off as a joke, saying that I never wanted to be the rebound girl. I also reminded him that at the moment i was totally committed with my BF.

When he said that he was serious, I told him that I though he needed time to clear out his mind from the temporary insanity he was having at that moment.

that was the last time we saw each other...

after 1 week I found out that he left for Texas to be with his family...

all I got from him was a simple letter stating how much he loved me and that his family has been bugging him for years to live with them but he decided against it...

not long after that me & my BF broke up. 

I would always find fault in everything my BF does & would always feel that something was missing, and that lead to us breaking up.

that was also the time realized that I love him, my best friend.

i tried so hard to contact him but there was never a chance...

then after 3 years I finally got news...

his sister has come back...

when we met that was when I got the greatest shock of my life..

his sister same back to spread his ashes in the lake that we frequented as kid & teenagers...

then his sister also gave my his final letter to me...

and there he explained that i was never & will ever be the rebound girl for him. He explained that he realized that I was the one for him when he got a diagnosis of pancreatic cancer which lead to him breaking up with his GF. He also wrote that since high school he already had feeling for me but he just ignored it fearing that it might hurt our friendship.

and he decided to live in fear that I might just accept his love out of pity.

after reading the letter all i could do was cry, weep, curse & ask the heavens for a fate, for the lost chance & for everything..

it has been 5 years since his death...

until now my heart still longs for him.... 

my heart still beats for him...

my mind still think of him..,

and my whole being misses him...

Why is it that we only realized how much important a person is when they are gone?!?!?